Fear Replaced by Fear.

I am hoping to channal my inner Castro.

My love of rugby is returning to its previously extreme state, for two reasons. One I am really, really ready to play. I don’t think I can remember a time when I felt more confident and more ready than I do now. I have sat back; I have watched; I have commented; I have opinionated. All that has done is made me want to take my place on the field. For the first time in an awful long time, my nagging doubts have been lifted and my confidence restored. I don’t want to beat around the bush, this isn’t a confidence based on a belief I am the best player in the world. It is however based on a realistic belief I can counter any of the challenges I am likely to face at the level I am intending to play.

In fact all my previous fears have been blown away. My fear of my knee is replaced with a belief in its strength. My trepidation around the scrum has been replaced with a belief that I can hold my own. The biggest problem, my fear of contact in the loose and a real desire to avoid it, has been replaced with a real passion to smash someone in a tackle. I don’t care how they come, head on, from the side, through the ruck or round the gate. I just want to knock someone backwards. Only one fear has replaced all these others, it is a new feeling it is one of letting down the people I am playing with. I never really thought about it much in the past. I just went out and did what I could do. Now I want to do what is best for the people I am taking to the field with. I have watched quality performances this season. Real performances of pride, and watched all the teams develop enormously. It feels like a privilege to play with them so I am going to relish it. I am under no illusions that it won’t hurt and I will be struggling like never before with match fitness but I hope when the final whistle blows I will have contributed something positive to the people around me.