Take everything I wrote last week and throw it away. I don’t think I have ever been as disappointed with myself as I was on Saturday. Not just the performance, but the behaviour was something I am mortally ashamed of.
I had so many high hopes for the game so much desire to make a difference and really I was left floundering. I basically walked my way from one scrap to another around the rugby field unable to provide any real impact on the game. There are one or two things I really need to sort out before I can carry on. All in all it was a very frustrating 80 minutes and as my good friend said to me after the game. I allowed myself to be “mindf****d” and you couldn’t sum it up with any more eloquent language. That was exactly what had happened.
In the past I would have sucked it up, but this guy was shouting all the things I was thinking in my head. Verbalising my own annoyances and I let it get to me. When I missed a tackle I heard my opposition prop shout “haha ha ha ha good work prop what a great tackle”, It’s worse when someone tells you something you are already screaming at yourself. I went the only way I knew how which was trying and punch him at every opportunity and choke the life out of him at the scrum. I actually wanted to physically hurt him. It was so bad; I am ashamed to admit I never even shook his hand at the end of the game. I didn’t want to, I didn’t like him and I didn’t want to pretend it was all harmless fun. It wasn’t, my pride was seriously hurt my ego smashed. That is all I want to say about it. Let’s call this an apology to all the people I played with on Saturday.
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